In 2002, I started on a surgery adventure; one after another. After all were completed, I was left with a knee that gave me the blues still and I took advantage of the cortisone shots the emergency room and my doctor provided. As the shots dealt with the pain, my body began to change. Seemingly before my blinded eyes, I gained over one hundred pounds.The size eight (8) young lady that married in 2001, was now a size 18 and quickly approaching 20.
You live with yourself everyday, but weight has a way of making you feel that it's been living with you all along. I had been at this point (size 14), when I was pregnant with Dobrielle so it was not an unfamiliar place. I figured, I'd eventually lose it the same way I did before. Nevertheless, the weight proved that it was going to fight me to hang on to me. So, when others would say, "Girl, you've gotten big, but you still have that pretty face" or "Girl you so pretty, but you've gained weight", I would instantly try to find something to blame like: the steroids, the surgeries, Reynard, or late night snacking. Don't get me wrong, steriods will make you gain weight because you eat more than normal; but just because you feel like you need to eat, does not mean that you have to. My food intake trippled and it did not seem to phase me. I have always been a snacker and my choice of snacks were not snacks at all....and that was four times as worse. I could nibble on a big bag of chips in two to three days.
As people talked, I would put of defenses. The more they criticized my weight, the more I convinced myself that I was happy with who I am; fat and all. I'd found ways to dress up the fat and promote Big Girls, but didn't get paid for it. Adament about being happy with me, until I clothes the door in the bathroom and gazed into the mirror. The woman I saw was not who I was; weight did not define me but no one could tell. What you saw was in no ways connected to who I really was, or what you would get.
Part TWO coming soon!