You know, people really do say things to hurt fat people. Some of them don't try it, but some just don't care. I will never forget the day one of our neighbors pulled up beside us in the car and said, "Hey girl with your fat self". I said, "Hey lady with your old self." Reynard blast me for saying that to the old lady. He and I argued about who should have said what, but I wanted to cry. Why? Because the reality was that I was fat and could help it, and she was old but blessed to still be here. So my reality was a curse and hers was a blessing.
So, as I dealt with the pain of my reality, I had to figure out what was going on with me that would make this fight different from any other fight. What would make me bow down to my body and be so disencouraged to challenge it? So, I took some moments to reflect on me. Then I thought about getting drugs to help with the weight lost. Almost every informercial is about someone promoting something for weight lost, and almost every fat person has tried something at least once. Even exercise equipment; almost every fat person has a piece...but the problem is not having these things, it's using them. I knew that I would not take the pills like the direction said, and I also knew after the first day of pain, I wouldn't exercise. So is it far to say that weight comes with the spirit of laziness? My answer is certainly yes!
You can not lose weight doing nothing! This was my first reality told to me by my sister by love Dana. She once was also a Big Girl, but after looking at a picture of herself, mustard enough strength to seek help. Her words were so dribbled in love but I heard what I heard and it hit me. I was truly trying to talk the weight off. So, I go to her house and decide to go walking with her. We go to this track and are walking and talking so much until I barely realize what I was doing. Then at the last two miles, I only wanted to pray. "God please don't let me have a heart attack." "God please give me strength to get to the car." I'd just walked six miles.
After we got home, instead of the stiffness making me say, "I got some weight gone today!" I withdrew into the place that has no tolerance for pain. I hurt bad, from my neck to my feet and I did not want to feel that way. When I made it back to Louisiana, I stayed in bed for two whole days and convinced myself that if I had to hurt this bad to lose weight, I would not do. This of course led me to another battle. My body said, "No", but my mind kept saying "Go". Somewhere in the corners of my mind was a drive to exercise, but the spirit of laziness was doing everything it could to remind me that I was fine just like I was.
I have learned one thing, the devil does not tell you to do anything that is going to benefit you. So I knew that the Spirit that lived within me was ushering me to become as concerned about my physical man as much as I was concerned about my spiritual man. So, I decided to put God in the mix. If He was urging me to physical wholeness, I needed His help and so I prayed......
Part Three Coming Soon!
I am finally getting healthy and after seeing a picture of an overweight Prophetess, I saw the Danyelle that I was. I saw a woman of God who loves God, loves and does all she can for His people, but has closed her eyes to her natural self, became more aware and in tuned with her spirtual self, and weighed the battle with her spiritual self more important than her natural self....forgetting that the temple carries her spiritual self. So, I decided that as I get rid the pounds, I could write to encourage someone else....here's where my journey began.........
In 2002, I started on a surgery adventure; one after another. After all were completed, I was left with a knee that gave me the blues still and I took advantage of the cortisone shots the emergency room and my doctor provided. As the shots dealt with the pain, my body began to change. Seemingly before my blinded eyes, I gained over one hundred pounds.The size eight (8) young lady that married in 2001, was now a size 18 and quickly approaching 20.
You live with yourself everyday, but weight has a way of making you feel that it's been living with you all along. I had been at this point (size 14), when I was pregnant with Dobrielle so it was not an unfamiliar place. I figured, I'd eventually lose it the same way I did before. Nevertheless, the weight proved that it was going to fight me to hang on to me. So, when others would say, "Girl, you've gotten big, but you still have that pretty face" or "Girl you so pretty, but you've gained weight", I would instantly try to find something to blame like: the steroids, the surgeries, Reynard, or late night snacking. Don't get me wrong, steriods will make you gain weight because you eat more than normal; but just because you feel like you need to eat, does not mean that you have to. My food intake trippled and it did not seem to phase me. I have always been a snacker and my choice of snacks were not snacks at all....and that was four times as worse. I could nibble on a big bag of chips in two to three days.
As people talked, I would put of defenses. The more they criticized my weight, the more I convinced myself that I was happy with who I am; fat and all. I'd found ways to dress up the fat and promote Big Girls, but didn't get paid for it. Adament about being happy with me, until I clothes the door in the bathroom and gazed into the mirror. The woman I saw was not who I was; weight did not define me but no one could tell. What you saw was in no ways connected to who I really was, or what you would get.
Part TWO coming soon!