Have you ever been in a place in ministry where you felt like giving it all up? Normally it's (ministry) what I do and has become a huge part of me, but there was this void and I could not for the life of me figure it out. Well, I journeyed through the rest of last year thinking, once I finish school I'll shift focus off the preacher and on the counselor. Yes, I had it all planned out and all because I felt like God was not using me enough. Can I be real with you all? Sitting still will drive the average preacher out of their mind. It's like the great commission "GO", gets under their feet and they don't care if they are preaching in a storefront church or a house church…. they just want to Go Preach!
So all of you who know me, are connected to me through social media, or live anywhere near have heard about my husband's December 5th, 2012 car wreck. It was the day before Woman at The Well 2012 Women's Conference; the conference that I host and close out. I'm pausing a great deal because this is actually my first time publicly writing about the accident. This was one of the most devastating events in my life, but I understood that in order for me to allow God to be God, I had to go and praise the God who gave Scroggins to me and I did just that. I went to the conference three days as plan and I preached the third day to close the conference out.
Many said, "I didn't come because I just knew you would cancel." Just God! My mind said, "If the devil wants to fight dirty, I'm going even dirtier." I'm going to show this fellow that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and I'm going to do what God has commissioned me to do. I realized something in this, just three to four months prior I was thinking of giving it all up and now, I'm more determined than ever to preach the Gospel; one, so that God will be glorified, and two, to show the enemy that as long as God has given me breath, I going to tear his kingdom down-taking back every soul I can that belongs to GOD, in JESUS name!
So, now I'm home being the care-taker of my husband and can't go preach but God is showing me something. He's showing me that I am most effective when I trust Him completely; in my going or in my sitting still. Then one day the Spirit says, "Go check your website." I know when it's His voice! Whenever my flesh questions what I heard, I know to move and move quickly. Well I sit before my website and the Spirit says, "Check your mail". I say, "Lord all my mail comes to my email; I don't have anything in it." Yet again, my flesh questions so I move. There in my mail was an invitation to Victory Outreach Church in London where Pastor Richard Taylor is Sheppard. I was blown away. Just when I was feeling like giving up, God was preparing to send me to the Nations.
Imagine my surprise. Then with tears in my eyes, I repented. I repented because long ago I decided that my life was not my own. I decided that if God used me or if He didn't I'd be just fine as long as I'm in His will. I even decided that my life was not about me, but somewhere deep down I had forgotten this. I shared with Scroggins that God needed me to see me before He sent me out. He needed my trust in Him to be so rooted and grounded that no matter what happened in my life, I know He has it. He needed my focus to remain about doing His word instead of building my brand (name or ministry). So let me encourage you, even when it doesn't look or feel like God has you on His mind, He does. He knows what's best for you, He knows when it's your time, He knows where He wants to send you, and most importantly He knows YOU! Don't ever give up on God or what He has purposed you to do.
Sometimes huge things happen in our life to give us small lessons we really needed to learn or they enhance the lessons we already know to make them more vibrant in our lives. I think both happened to me as a result of this accident. So to you I go even farther and say, “Embrace your suffering!” TRUST that God is showing you something in the midst of your suffering to allow you to become more connected, fully persuaded, and ever dependent upon Him. Until the next time, Be Blessed!
Shout out to Pastor Richard Taylor. Thank you for being led by God and helping me to learn the greatest lesson of my life. You are my brother and I'm praying for you!