It was October 1990, and I'd been put in the car of a guy who cared and rushed to LSU hospital for an attempted suicide. I was at a point in my life, where I felt, I had nothing to live for. It had seemed like the weight of the world was entangled on my shoulders. I'd just found out I'd only be able to graduate if I got a extra credit in night school, the guy I loved didn't love me, and my home-life wasn't what I thought it should be. Might seem like nothing to you but to a sixteen year old who would be seventeen in two months, I was hysterical.
I'd taken twenty antibiotics and lain dazed and for the life of me, I can never forget the sting that hit my lip as the nurses used medication to get me up. I'm writing about this because a teenager whom I love a great deal, tried to commit suicide. Parents, this is a spirit that grabs ahold of a teen through broken channels and you must be attentive and aware of it's grip. I was too self assured for this, they thought. The girl that could get any guy, who wore nice clothes, who was considered pretty and fine, had a doormat demon that would try to snatch me out before I'd really even got to know a God who cared.
Two things happened to me at the hospital, I realized that someone really cared for me (RV) and I also found out that I was two to three months pregnant. You talking about a life-change. The doctor ask, "Did you try to kill yourself because you are pregnant?" And I cried, "I'm pregnant." She, the girl who thought she had no one or nothing to live for, finally sees that she had everything to live for, growing inside of her. On that day I experienced "Mother's Day". The moment when a mother knows that her life is not about what she thought it should be, but who she is and will be to a child. And more importantly, when she finds out that no matter what, God will be there to protect them through it all.
I thought as I rode home, God how can I be so precious to You that You would allow me to live and then bless me to have a baby? In the days to come, I would experience the worst yeast infection known to human. It was horrible and I had to suffer through it, without the strong meds because of the child that lived inside of me. I'd given the baby all the medicine that she was going to get; because of my ignorance and inability to fight off the spirit of suicide.
I know someone's wondering, well what are you trying to tell us, and so here it goes; Mother's as you prepare to celebrate the day that is suppose to celebrate you, don't spend it miserable because you neglected the signs. Pay attention to your children and understand that communication is a must. What might not have affected you, could very well destroy someone else who has a doormat spirit of suicide trying to steal their life. Fill the voids in your children lives by being everything to them. Don't just give them everything, but allow your love to be everything and we all know that when you love someone, you pay close attention to them. I can't imagine what type of Mother's Day my mom or grandmother would have had, if I had killed myself.
Most importantly, know that God cares for you and tell your children this often. I often wonder, am I doing all the God left me on earth to do, because it's apparent, He spared my life. Not to mention, my child who is now twenty, a sophmore in college majoring in Biology-Pre-Med/ and aspires to be a doctor, a gifted talented basketball player who has transition from post, to two guard, and now point guard, a child that would give you her last and who loves hard, and most importantly a child who truly loves Jesus Christ and has excepted Him as her savior. Little did she know, He truly did save her and me before we accepted salvation.
Happy Mother's Day Ladies, and never forget that at that moment when you felt the effect of Mother's Day, you also willingly vowed to be the vessels that would carry the seed and nurture it until it was able to care for itself and trust that God cares! Trust God in all and everything that you go through and trust Him to help you love, care for, and raise those babies.
I love you Raiyawna Shaundell Gatlin and I thank you for giving me a reason to live! It's because of you, I was blessed with two more reasons (Dobrielle & Dwight Jr.). Be Blessed!